oh my god the tour.
I have so many things to say about the new TTPD set. The fact she didn’t have to spend money on new stage production, choreography, dancer training, new costumes… but she did for us. A lot of people were seeing this change way too black and white – meaning, since she got rid of long live and added ‘But daddy I love him,’ which does scold some ‘fans’ or people not respecting her boundaries as a human being, they saw it as her being fed up with the fans. However, again, life is not that black and white. You can love and be thankful for your fans, or people, and also need them to dial back on your personal life. Anyone who cheered that she decided to play to for tour, is on the right side of the fandom.
The additions to the tour, and visuals really gave me insight to some of these songs. Like can we talk about the transition of the last verse of But daddy I love him, to So high school?!?! Really solidifying that the last verse is actually about Travis. And SO many references to him in the dances. Girl is in fact, down bad, to alter her entire tour to include aspects of him.
But let’s take a moment to appreciate these new outfits – and I WILL be talking about this later with each song I break down and the comparison of the song vs the tour performance, because WOW.
The more I listen to this album, the more I love it.
It’s pretty amazing that the first 20 times I listened to it through, I felt sad. I felt depressed. I felt for Taylor. It all felt like a story we were given about her life, with elements that are blended, coded, or made up – but the feeling are what is true. People think that Taylor writes so straightforward, but she doesn’t. But daddy I love him is a great example of that. It’s tongue in cheek about people being too involved in her personal life, bullying her out of relationships, the feeling she feels – explained in a theatrical way, and a blending of two relationships, one she was denied and one that is in her grasp now. The feeling of these events are what is true.
After I sat with the album for a bit, a lot of these songs like I can do it with a broken heart began to feel empowering? Like, there are some ironic moments in there for sure, that if she plays them on stage, the fans are not going to be sure whether to cheer along with it for irony or sit and cry. [update, since writing this they definitely have been cheering more, and I still don’t know how I feel about it lol] However, this song, the more I listen to it, and with the ending of ‘try to come for my job’ shows us she’s actually being quite funny about it all now that she is passed it.
My boy only breaks his favorite toys is a song that immediately feels ironic, playful, while also saying some in depth heartache.
Let’s start with the title. If my boy only breaks his favorite toys is referring to herself being the toy, than we are concluding that she was being played with. Throughout this album we have this narrative of being promised something that fell through, and being heart broken by a get love quick that fell through.
During tour, she plays The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, and during this time, she has a band behind her, drums, war drums. There is a big connection to the saluting and marching that The 1975 does in some of their concerts. So … everyone is appreciative of this new choreo, besides Matty probably lol.
Behind the drum line, is a person waving a white flag. I thought about this a lot for this specific song – too. Since they are the same story line – I was thinking about this reference of war drums, fighting in only your army, being on the front lines [dont you ignore me]. This is really what I love about Taylor. Taking these two different relationships and creating a melting pot of references that can go more towards similar feelings – presented as something we all can understand. This also references similar concepts to The Great War, You’re Losing Me, I forgot that you existed [woulda fought the whole town for you, woulda been the only one at your show]. The showing of loyalty to be given nothing back.
In her own words – she states how this song is from the perspective of a kids favorite toy. I listened to this discussion after I wrote this- and I was spot on in a blunt sense. The song includes elements of denial because it clings on to firsts. The first time they saw you, and were so happy, and then they break you and devalue you – but you still cling on to that first initial memory. Definitely Toy Story coded [lol]
The Lyrical Breakdown
Oh, here we go again.
The voices in his head
Called the rain to end our days of wild
The sickest army doll
Purchased at the mall
Rivulets descend my plastic smile
But you should’ve seen him
When he first got me
The first verse shows this agony of watching someone you love fall to their thoughts, either made up or true, about their life and situation. If you have dated or been in a relationship with people who self-sabotage – you are familiar to this. oh here we go again.. bringing the rain, so starting a storm, a fight, an end, to the fun day or relationship we had. This could mean over years of this back and forth; meaning every time they thought about. being together he ends the relationship, or it could mean recurring in the time they were together.
The sickest army doll, purchased at the mall – this kind of makes me think about you’re losing me, with the line “Fighting in only your army“.. I dont really think these songs are connected, because this army doll is purchased at the mall – which feels … so … mundane and cheap. A sick army doll – something that is useless, cannot fight, cannot withhold its duties – later in the album she mentions a get quick love scheme [loml first reference], which makes me think she’s calling this love cheap and quick, just as you would buy a toy from the mall.
However, this also could be ‘sickest’ like coolest gift you got at the mall – so from a little boys perspective. Watching a lil kid get so stoked at this toy he got at the mall – best day ever, ya feel? So excited, which would really go into the next ending lines to the verse.
Rivulets descend my plastic smile – rivulets are small streams- so tears bring down my ‘fake’ smile – but you should have seen his fast when he first got me. So it almost feels like, she is calling herself fake, in that moment.
She was the quick sick doll he purchased – unable to fill her duties, but ready to start this new battle of healing… and / or she felt sparkly and new, but was broken by the hand that saved her from the store. I think there can be a duality of these lines – but my guess is she probably intended one over the other.
My boy only breaks his favorite toys
I’m queen of sand castles he destroys
Cause it fit too right
Puzzle pieces in the dead of night
Should’ve known it was a matter of time
Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys
He breaks her. His favorite thing to ‘play with’. And I don’t mean this sexually but emotionally. He played with her feelings for some time, he builds her up like a sandcastle and then destroys it. It felt right, it fit right like a puzzle piece, which could be built up at any time. She was the thing that could and would come back in the heat of the moment, but at some point, with the continuation of this cycle, he was going to permanently break it – because she wouldn’t.
There was a litany of reasons why
We could’ve played for keeps this time
I know I’m just repeating myself
Put me back on my shelf
But first – Pull the string
And I’ll tell you that he runs
Because he loves me.
Cause you should’ve seen him
When he first saw me.
I love this verse because she’s laying out that there were no excuses this time not to work. And not this time shows us that this song isn’t just about a short term relationship but a constant battle of back and forth – showing the army toy – losing the battle. This time they were old enough, smart enough, brave enough, and it could have worked. She states this over and over, again and again, just to be put back into the space she was found.
But first, pull the string and Ill tell you that he runs because he loves me. These words are not her own, they have been programmed into her because of him. He repeats throughout their time toying back and forth, that he can never be with her because he loves her – she doesn’t buy it. Cause you should have seen how joyful he was when he first saw her. This also makes me think of Nothing New, although a completely different narrative, since she is also speaking about fame – it has the same concept of something new and shiny – but being put back on like a cardigan. I’m your favorite, you told me.
My boy only breaks his favorite toys
I’m queen of sand castles he destroys
Cause I knew too much
There was danger in the heat of my touch
He saw forever so he smashed it up
Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys
It was danger and love in her touch.. so again, he ran. He could see a future with her [this album shows he talked about marriage… but was it a joke?] so he did what he knew he could do, what he was comfortable with – he left, he crushed the dream.
Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me
Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me
The sick army doll, who thinks she needs to be fixed – but once she does, he’s going to miss the relationship. Once she is functional and herself again– per usual – he’ll call.
Just say when, I’d play again
He was my best friend
Down at the sandlot
I felt more when we played pretend
Than with all the Kens
Cause he took me out of my box
Stole my tortured heart
Left all these broken parts
Told me I’m better off
But I’m not
I’m not
I’m not.
Just when she said that she’d do this again, date again, after being broken – that she was ready, he was that piece for her. He became her best friend –
the down at the sandlot line is so interesting – if you are unfamiliar with this movie here is a little summary: One day when the team wants to play baseball, but do not have all of the necessary equipment, Scotty volunteers his stepdad’s collector’s item prized ball. When Scotty immediately hits a home run into the fenced-in yard of Mr. Mertle next door, Scotty goes to retrieve it before his friends panickingly stop him from doing so. Together they tell him he will never get it back, explaining the legend of “The Beast” that lives there. Hopeless and helpless, Scotty exclaims that it was signed by George “Babe” Ruth Jr., the group of friends devise a plan to get the legendary ball back before Scotty’s stepdad notices it is missing
Legendary is a fun line in this summary because it was legendary, it was momentary [loml second reference]
The movie mentions a beast, so to me this is like, true and true friendship and love, fighting bigger issues, the beast potentially being the media and fans. Facing them with this new spectacle. Since this movie is also about kids- her next line about I felt more when we played pretend than with all the kens, shows she didn’t mind getting dirty – facing the backlash and beast, rather then staying clean with the idea of barbie and ken – the perfect facade in the media. She has referenced Kens quite a bit in her songs – and the idea that ken is the match to American Barbie, the idea that the perfect spectacle isn’t something she cares about – if it feels right.
He took her out. of her box, [barbie box or army doll box ready for battle?] stole her tortured and broken heart from her past – left the broken parts scattered around and ran again – telling her because he loves her – but she is repeating herself – saying I’m Not.
Visual Representation
I was thinking a lot about the white flag being waved after destruction. The castle pulling the troops after being destroyed and bombed. The cease fire to the war she’s no longer willing to fight, or didn’t get to fight at all because he walked away. Broken and bruised – did the twin flame bruise you too?
I made these in black and white, too, to continue on the TTPD feeling, but it just felt like a crime to remove the color.
