If you like False God, then you’ll probably like Guilty as Sin.
This entire song is really about the longing of being with someone that you either can’t have, or that you are holding yourself back from. I love that this song comes after Fresh out the Slammer – for the simple fact that this song comes after the information in the lines
“All those nights you kept me going
Swirled you into all of my poems
Now we’re at the starting line, I did my time”
The idea that she was with someone, and hidden in plain sight she wrote about someone else. So this song really continues with that longing and imagining her life with someone else. Lustful, but hopeful of something new. Hey High Infidelity.. that you?
Lyrical Interpretation
Drowning in the Blue Nile
He sent me ‘Downtown Lights’
First we need to listen to the song Downtown Lights if we want to get more context to this introduction.
The first thing you will notice about the song is HOW MUCH it sounds like The 1975.
The lyrics to this song are pretty potent. In recent news M*tty said that this ‘thing’ with Taylor was never serious, but bffr. This song pretty much explains how he felt, that or he was gaslighting her.
Sometimes I walk away
When all I really wanna do
Is love and hold you right
There is just one thing I can say
Nobody loves you this way
It’s alright, can’t you see?
The downtown lights
In love we’re all the same
We’re walking down an empty street
And with nobody, call your name
Empty streets, empty nights
The downtown lights
How do I know you’ll feel it?
How do I know you’ll feel it?
How do I know you’ll feel it?
How do I know it’s true?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s alright
Tonight and every night
Let’s go walking down this empty street
Let’s walk in the cool evening light
Wrong or right, be at my side
The downtown lights
This song is definitely a proclamation of love – an offer of together forever walking the streets. Painting the colors of blue and warm hues together, right or wrong, for better or worse.
I hadn’t heard it in a while
This line to me – means more than just listening to the song – but also a proclamation of love. She hadn’t heard someone say things or make her feel things they way he does, for awhile.
My boredom’s bone deep
This cage was once just fine
Am I allowed to cry?
This song is much more complex than meets the eye [ear?] My boredom’s bone deep… this cage was once fine – her life has become repetition – the cage she placed herself in, the comfort of her relationship, the protection of her ‘image’ used to be enough, it used to be ‘for the best; as people told her, but now she feels empty, bored, alone – is she allowed to think this way? Does it make her ungrateful? In our complex lives … is she allowed to be confused?
I dream of cracking locks
now now now, lets talk about locks shall we??
Handcuffed to the spell I was under – Fresh out the Slammer – handcuffs are held together with a lock.
Years of labor, locks and ceilings
In the shade of how he was feeling
But it’s gonna be alright, I did my time
This song my friend… is her imagining breaking the locks and becoming free of her existing life.
Throwing my life to the wolves
Or the ocean rocks
Crashing into him tonight
None of these situations are happening, but she is pretending and dreaming about it. She thinks about throwing her life to the wolves… I see the wolves as the media? the fans? Allowing full ridicule to occur. Throwing herself to the tide that takes her over, crashing into the ocean rocks – could be the end of her?
He’s a paradox
I’m seeing visions, am I bad?
Or mad? Or wise?
He’s a walking contradiction, she’s imagining herself with him..
The question of does this make me bad? or mad? or wise? makes us wonder if she is doing this while still in a relationship high infidelity, ya know? or if she is bad because he’s ‘bad’ in the public eye … or clearly.. to some of her fans.
OR WISE I think is a question for herself. Would this be a smart move so I can make my life less, sad or boring.
What if he’s written ‘mine’ on my upper thigh
Only in my mind
ahhh the fantasy begins. What if he has claimed her [body] but only in her mind, her fantasies
One slip and falling back into the hedge maze
Oh what a way to die
Falling back into this game of cat and mouse- clearly as its been back and forth – getting lost playing the game and navigating through the maze – perhaps leaving her stranded and alone.. and lost. What a way to die.
She compares this idea and leaving her life to death in many ways. Either that is a death to her life as she knows it because she is so deep into him, or, because she knows it’s a dangerous game to go back to this fling that never did end up as she predicted.
I keep recalling things we never did
Messy top lip kiss
How I long for our trysts
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin?
Trysts btw means a private romantic rendezvous between lovers. So she is explaining her fantasies with us, about him. But she hasn’t touched him yet – this is just want she hoped for-
I think the question of how can I be guilty as sin, is more so a question to herself because she may feel guilt from fantasizing. I don’t think it’s a question for us. If she is in a relationship and she was thinking about someone else.. is that cheating?
Because of this chorus and line, I see this song being written before her long term relationship ended. And in later songs, specifically The Smallest Man that Ever Lived, we learned there was a promise that allowed her to jump from her existing relationship with promises that were never kept. This song is the prequel to that jump.
I keep these longings locked
In lowercase inside a vault
Ok SO, when I heard this the first time my IMMEDIATE thought went to folklore, and evermore. These albums and their title tracks remain in lowercase letters. As writers we definitely can write about narratives inside our own mind, but they are always inspired from something, and they always have a little piece of us in them. Evermore seems much more intertwined with Midnights, and TTPD, and folklore feels a bit more of a different narrative someone else, until we hear tracks like Peace that are simply.. about her not being enough?
Maybe a reach, but I see these longings as not just the fantasies she’s describing to us now, but also her [swirled you into all of my] poems, written about him that were hidden in plain sight.
Someone told me
There’s no such thing as bad thoughts
Only your actions talk
I mean this is true, our thoughts are just our thoughts, they do not define us.
On a completely unrelated note, something I think about often is this line and people’s eagerness to call her out on not speaking out about big ass topics. This woman donates so much money to causes – anonymously, and to every city she tours in. Actions DO speak louder than words – words are merely performative.
These fatal fantasies
Giving way to labored breath
Taking all of me
We’ve already done it in my head
If it’s make believe
Why does it feel like a vow
We’ll both uphold somehow?
Obviously this is explaining her, with herself, thinking of him. BUT – he has lead her to believe this could happen. He sent her Downtown Lights, remember? A song she hadn’t heard in awhile, because it was probably a song he sent her a long time ago. He put her middle ring on her finger under the table, remember?
At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger
And put it on the one people put wedding rings on – TTPD
This could be it – it could happen.
My bedsheets are ablaze
I’ve screamed his name
Building up like waves
Crashing over my grave
Without ever touching his skin
How can I be guilty as sin?
Listen originally I thought it said my bedsheets are a place I’ve screamed his name and that make a little more sense in my head [lol]. BUT punctuation is important.
My bedsheets are on fire […you know]
Ive screamed his name building up like waves crashing over my grave. Idk this feels just like climax to me lol. I think.. I think that’s the most I can get from this line. It is in fact, fiery.
What if I roll the stone away?
They’re gonna crucify me anyway
This bridge is really going back into the idea of death – and him bringing her back to life.
Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?
Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life? – High Infidelity
I’m not kidding when I say I truly think this album references that song SO MANY TIMES. When Midnights came out we had no clue where some of this content was coming from. We looked in the past of her, we thought maybe Jack was the one who brought her back to life musically? No clue. But in fact… I think it was her and feeling guilty as sin, during the end of her relationship.
So he would bring her back to life after her death, but by ‘rolling the stone away’ and going to him – the media, the fans, people on the outside would, unfortunately, do what they did – bully them, tell her it was a mistake, create so much heat about the relationship that made him leave ‘and run because he loves me’
What if the way you hold me
Is actually what’s holy?
If long suffering propriety
Is what they want from me
They don’t know how you’ve haunted me
So stunningly
I choose you and me
… Religiously
So she states this narrative quite a bit in this album – Even in but daddy i love him. They don’t know the chemistry that is between you and I – they can’t stop it – he feels like her saving grace to her life
Thinking it can change the beat
Of my heart when he touches me
And counteract the chemistry
And undo the destiny
She wants them. He has haunted her throughout years – the what if’s and could it be? Kinda like… Question…? Which was a song she played in Nashville with M*tty in attendance, and said it was the happiest she’s ever been?? RIGHT BEFORE SHE PLAYED IT??? It confused all of us lol.
Good girl, sad boy
Big city, wrong choices
We had one thing going on
I swear that it was something
‘Cause I don’t remember who I was before you
Painted all my nights
A color I’ve searched for since
…
Caught in politics and gender-roles
And you’re not sure and I don’t know
Got swept away in the gray
I just may like to have a conversation
flash forward to you’re losing me
My face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick
flash forward to fresh out the slammer
Gray and blue and fights and tunnels
Handcuffed to the spell I was under
If long suffering propriety [the quality or state of being proper or suitable]
Is what they want from me –
Flash forward to But Daddy I love Him
If all you want is gray for me [stated to the fans and media]
Then it’s just white noise
And it’s just my choice
so many grays y’all. If you just want her to be ‘proper for you’ and not live her life – then you don’t actually care about her.
He sent me ‘Downtown Lights’
I hadn’t heard it in a while
Am I allowed to cry?
So we end the song with the beginning, which cinematically makes me think about within the timeframe of hearing those first few lines to the song – this entire song, entire thought, went through her head in one second. Leaving us standing by the record player, or the speakers, listening to the song again. Taking her breath away, leaving her longing.
This song is SO MUCH MORE complex than just a fantasy. It is completely rooted in guilt, longing, changing her life, scared of ridicule but filled with lust and desire to be loved like the song downtown lights
Visual Representation
For my image I was thinking about Taylor’s image of her in the men’s shirt for the Albatross Variant. This image was clearly done at the beach, but guilty as sin most definitely doesn’t take place on the beach. I really had no interest recreating this song in the way it was written, because.. well.. obvious reasons [lol].
He sent me ‘Downtown Lights’
I hadn’t heard it in a while
Am I allowed to cry?
I really thought about these lines a lot. Being home alone, receiving a song on your phone, finding the record that holds the song and playing it. A million thoughts going through your head as you sit and listen to the song – longing to feel something, longing to touch and hold someone. As discussed the song starts and ends with the same lines – which to me feels like a supercut of all the thoughts within that song.