Love of my Life Loss of my Life.
SO many opinions on this song across the internet. Who was the loss, who was the love?
The first time I heard this song, I was really convinced it was about her 6 year relationship.. but when the words were more closely listened to, and when I really repeated the song over and over, I began to see it wasn’t. There are many reasons why – and I’ll break them down for you
Taylor does this thing in her writing where she never quite writes about just one person. She blurs the lines of relationships and feelings and writes on that. She embellishes the truth drawing hearts on her face with a pistol… is a good example from I can fix him [no really I can], and she writes on similar instances without leading to one particular instance. A great storyteller that still leaves mystery to her actual life, and the story she is telling.
Lyrical Breakdown
Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing
Back into rekindled flames?
The first set of lines could be any relationship. This happens with long term relationships – walking back into what’s comfortable when you’ve been connected with someone for so long. Being out in the wild after breathing, being with, and loving someone for so long is terrifying, even if it felt like it wasn’t a good relationship.
The flip side of these lines shows perhaps a back and forth of rekindled flames over and over. A bad habit returning, if you will. We have gone back and forth before… who is to say it wont happen again?
If we know the steps anyway
With the addition of this line – this is what shows the lines written weren’t intended for a long term relationship. If we know the steps any way – proving this has happened before. They know the path to relapse, and they could do it again.
We embroidered the memories
Of the time I was away
Stitching, “We were just kids, babe”
of the time I was away… we discussed the past and the time I was with someone else – the discussion of we didn’t know what we wanted then because we were young. she had gone to someone else because it wasn’t the right place or time. Those memories are woven into the past, but they complete the story of now. Embroidering is a pretty permanent act rather than penciling or some other mending – so the act of weaving these thoughts into history is really setting that narrative as a certain, a forsure, possibly a strong belief of excuse.
I said, “I don’t mind, it takes time”
I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed
I felt aglow like this
Never before and never since
You showed be colors I can’t see with anyone else. Illicit Affairs, really is, about this situation. All this time we thought Gold Rush, Illicit Affairs, High Infidelity, Maroon was about others, but in fact, all of those songs line up with the verbiage in this album. Guilty as Sin really paints the story of High Infidelity. She never actually cheated, but in her mind she did.
She thought instead of risking their friendship, or her heart, that choosing someone safe and comfortable was the correct move. Being back into his arms arose her liveliness all over again, a feeling she hadn’t had since the last time they were together [ok, but that is devastating]
If you know it in one glimpse, it’s legendary
You and I go from one kiss to gettin married
Still alive, killing time at the cemetery
Never quite buried
This is the verse that is very key to who this song is about – if you are invested in her personal life. She references getting married a few times in this album. From The tortured poets department – putting rings on her middle finger, to references in Down Bad, and Fortnight. This quick glimpse into her life if it came true. The fast paced feeling of the relationship that some would say is rushed but ‘if you know you know’.
Still alive, killin time at the cemetery never quite buried shows the relapse. This thing that should have been buried, but lingered on. Giving us [Taylor] the impression the relationship had hope- it wasn’t dead just on pause. It could be brought back to life. But he lied-
In your suit and tie, in the nick of time
You lowdown boy, you stand up guy
Holy Ghost, you told me I’m
The love of your life
Suit and tie… always in a suit and tie this guy. For speculation, if she really didn’t want us to know who this was about, she wouldn’t have included these lyrics. No other man she has dated is constantly in a suit and tie like Matty is.
You’re suit and tie showed up when I needed you most, when I was most vulnerable after my heart was shattered from my previous relationship. You promising me forever and Ran – because he loves me [My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys]
You lowdown [unfair and cruel] man, you stand up guy is definitely sarcastic in this line.
Now the use of Holy Ghost is interesting. The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead. He comforts us in times of adversity and testifies of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. So it’s a reference to religion [again, this album is full of these references, really showing the full commitment she shared with him, obsession and full faith she put onto him]. The man that comforted me in time of adversity – told me I was the love of your life. And she believed him
You said I’m the love of your life
About a million times
because he told her over and over.
Who’s gonna tell me the truth
When you blew in with the winds of fate
And told me I reformed you
Ok so, the Winds of Fate is actually a famous poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the seas are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through the life:
Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
The analysis of the poem is the comparison the winds of fate to the winds of the sea, suggesting that our lives are not determined by external forces, but by our own choices. In the same way that a ship’s sails determine its direction, it is our own decisions and actions that shape our destinies.
Who is going to tell me the truth, when you came in and told me that I reformed you, made you better, [reformed is also a comparison of changed religion or becoming something different] and I made the choice to believe you.
This could also be the choice referenced in Florida!!! As she stated in her voice memo about consequences of our choices that we have to live with. So we go to florida to forget them and become something new. Bury the regretful choices we have made.
When your impressionist paintings of Heaven
Turned out to be fakes
Well, you took me to hell, too
Impressionist paintings were typically done on the spot – not sketches or studio based but depictions of the real. The use of this medium in the song is pretty key. If they turned out to be fakes, simply because he never actually visited Heaven to paint them accurately, then really the paintings were created from hell – which he drug her through. A facade he painted for her – but none of it was real.
And all at once, the ink bleeds
This line is still referring to the painting – if it was real the paint would be waterproof – coded in protection, but it turns out the paint was just ink- fake.
A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme
But I felt a hole like this
Never before, and ever since
He showed up in the nick of time, again as the holy ghost, when she needed help the most, and promised her forever and love – but she was a fool for believing him- because this has happened before – but this time it left a larger mark that she hadn’t ever felt before. The devastation of a long relationship ending with a promise of a hopeful one – and all of it being taken away… that’s a hard back to back series of events to tolerate.
If you know it in one glimpse
It’s legendary
What we thought was for all time
Was momentary
In the moment it felt legendary, it could have been the greatest tale of all time, but it was a fortnight. Short lived and temporary.
Still alive, killing time at the cemetery
Never quite buried
You cinephile in black and white
All those plot twists and dynamite
You cinephile is referring to someone who loves theatre, movies, and explaining this brief love as a black and white motion picture. Within the time there were many back and forths, plot twists and in the end an explosion. Toxicity – really. Putting her through the ringer.
Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry
You said I’m the love of your life
This line has been in my head since the first time I listened to it. Mr. Steal Your Girl.
Fresh out the slammer… who is the first person she’ll call? Mr. Steal your girl.
This honestly really does summarize [if it’s written in truth] that she was communicating with him during the end of her relationship – he promised he could give her the moon and the stars, he promised her it would be better with him than where she was at – she believed him- but he made her cry and hurt her and took back his promise.
He told her he was the love of his life.. but he didn’t mean it, or he did, and decided to shove it down because he couldn’t handle the scrutiny from the public or her fans.
You talked me under the table
Talking rings and talking cradles
I wish I could un-recall
How we almost had it all
When she posted these lyrics – again – we thought Joe. Everyone was ready to back her up and defend her from him, but when the songs were released.. we were struck in awe.
You talked me under the table means to bore one or waste one’s time with excessive, tedious talking. Basically he wasted her time talking about the future –
at dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger
And put it on the one people put wedding rings on – TTPD
She wishes she could forget the hope he promised to her, because this is a hole she’s never felt before. AGAIN THIS IS SO SAD. To hear her write this way.. and to state she never felt this hope and love truly ripped from her life, after being in a 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP that never made her feel that way????? Just the whole 7 year situation is painful to think about.
Dancing phantoms on the terrace
Again we get a reference of ghosts. Things that haunt her. Did they dance on the terrace? IS everywhere she looks a reminder of him?
Are they second-hand embarrassed
That I can’t get out of bed?
Cause something counterfeit’s dead
The ghosts of her past judging her for not being able to function after this fake encounter died, haunting her – reminding her – that it did happen and that it is no more.
It was legendary
It was momentary
It was unnecessary
Should’ve let it stay buried
WIth this verse we get the idea of her being frustrated and really saying “what was the point?” Was it just to hurt me? but it wasn’t buried, Tay. She never did bury it truly but should have in the first place. Why dig up the past if it ends the same way?
Oh, what a valiant roar
What a bland goodbye
The coward claimed he was a lion
I love this reference to the wizard of oz, but in reverse. He claimed he was strong and could rescue her, but he was a coward proclaiming false statements.
I’m combing through the braids of lies
“I’ll never leave” …
“Never mind”
Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire
Your arson’s match your somber eyes
And I’ll still see it until I die
You’re the loss of my life
First off, throughout this song, she states he said she was the love of his life. Not once did she claim he was the love of hers. Which is very interesting. It shows this gaslight effect he had on her. But not only that, in an interview he claimed that this relationship was never that serious.
Did she make it all for a story? Was it real? Was it exaggerated ? Or is he the con-man she says he really is and is lying to the public too.
Our dreams we built together and talked about, were destroyed. The fire you lit to destroy them matched the sadness in your eyes [depression? we know he faces anxiety], and Ill remember the moment you blew it all up forever.
At the end of the song we get you’re the loss of my life which is the dual purpose of the title LOML. Letting us assume she meant love of her life too – but she won’t say it.
We know that she is over this now – during the Eras Tour, she played this song on the piano and let out a little snicker when she was done. I can’t help but believe that this song is her truth – it’s how she felt. He promised her something for sure and left her due to the public being very harsh on him and him not being able to handle the limelight like he said he could. You did your research you knew what you were getting into. but also there are elements in story telling that are made up or exaggerated which she stated in her voice memo about fortnight.
The beautiful thing about art, is we never have to truly know what is the truth for her – because it becomes the truth for the listener and how they feel about their relationships in their life with the song as their backtrack.
Visual Representation
I wanted this idea of a soul leaving someone’s body, the promises left empty, that keeps us in moments of being frozen. Unable to move because of the heartache, but thinking about how we want to remove the heart. The dying for someone’s sins but they died instead [The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived]. These songs are so threaded together – that each line stands in for another song and understanding.
Taken on 120mm format camera, ilford 400 black and white, in camera multiple exposure