Track four: Goddamn
The moment I heard this song, I loved it. It feels like a conversation, an exhale of constant obstacles with its repetitive nature that addresses different issues.
In the beginning of this album we see addressing of the past and acknolwedging the future struggles [outlaw overture], getting rid of the notion and definitions of cool [cliche], addressing loneliness and isolation when the world feels like its eyes are fixated on you [don’t wait run fast] and following all of that, we have goddamn.
This song addresses, honestly, the lowest points of mgk’s life. He discusses all of the elements that drove him to his downfall – leading him to rehab and essentially writing this new album. Whether it’s relapse or mental health episodes – things cause humans to act in a way that is unusual to them – and no one really understands this until they’ve been through it. People can go through mania, or have episodes that cause them to make irrational decisions, say hurtful things, and take action in ways they wouldn’t have before – reminding us that good people can do bad things, or make poor choices but it isn’t who they are in the end.
Lyrical Analysis
Goddamn, thought we had a chance
Slipped right through my fingers when I had it in my hands, yeah
Goddamn, try to understand
That’s the way it was, but it isn’t who I am, goddamn
Being with someone you adore and making the wrong choices – over and over in his music we see this narrative of thinking everything is going to be okay until it isn’t. But this time, he is trying to understand why he keeps making mistakes. ‘this is what happened,’ but it isn’t what he wanted or in character for him.
Every night I drive in the summer
Head out of the window, I’m a skydive jumper
Two bags like the eyes they under
Chasing good times till we die, motherfucker
This verse feels so reckless.
The idea of being so carefree – but lost.
We see the thrill seeking character in the previous songs – to allow himself to feel alive he must do daring and crazy things – but ‘goddamn’ it causes him to lose everything.
Two bags – drugs, and the idea of being manic, pulling all nighters, being exhausted – there aint no rest for the wicked.
But this is also a common theme we see in his past albums as well.
Wasted years but kept my soul
I always knew my home was rock ‘n’ rollin’
Days are short, before I go
I want my casket laced with guns and roses
Living the rocker life- years and years ‘wasted’ on chasing these moments? Instead of caring for the moments he has? possibly. I actually love the reference to guns and roses here, but this part of the song definitely feels like a discussion of genres instead of personal mistakes.
Up to this point in the song it feels like there is still a back and forth on what is the right thing to do. He switched genres, he is happy chasing after these chaotic moments, he is happy where he is at professionally, yet it seems that doing this has caused him to lose what he had personally.
Goddamn, thought we had a chance
Slipped right through my fingers when I had it in my hands, yeah
Goddamn, try to understand
That’s the way it was, but it isn’t who I am, goddamn
Goddamn
Goddamn
I swear too much, fuck yeah
Tell me something I don’t know
I care too much, so what?
Life’s short and I spent too many hours doing nothing about it
And I spent too much money that never amounted to nothing
I’ve been drowning in something, I’m a downer on substances
I’m a functioning junkie turning my life around
With this verse – it feels like he is addressing outside voices – people who ridicule him, you swear too much, you care too much what people think –
But again, he states that life is short and before this he didn’t do anything to cherish it –
he spent too much money on material things burn my old clothes in gasoline, that didn’t benefit him in any way –
He’s been trying to fill a void, turn his life around, lift himself up because he doesn’t like who he [had] become.
Wasted years but kept my soul
I always knew my home was rock ‘n’ rollin’
Days are short, before I go
I want my casket laced with guns and roses
Goddamn, thought we had a chance
Slipped right through my fingers when I had it in my hands, yeah
Goddamn, try to understand
That’s the way it was, but it isn’t who I am, goddamn
Never had a chance to be young. Goddamn
No one grows old where I’m from. Goddamn
Going through the motions all alone. Goddamn
I can’t lift this weight off of my shoulders. Goddamn
Feel like they forgot my city. Goddamn
No one sittin’ shotgun with me. Goddamn
I can feel the cracks in my bones. Goddamn
I don’t think I’m ever goin’ home. Goddamn
This bridge is where the song really comes to life for me. He had too grow up too fast, it caused him trauma and it is why he had always reached out for substances –
He lost a lot of his friends and family before he was 29 –
life is short, but he spent a long time letting it fly by him – just wake up, rinse, repeat – and feeling alone doing it all.
He still feels alone – because no one’s sitting shot gun with me – which can mean literally or figuratively as well.
He feels like he is breaking apart, but where is home?
Who can he turn to? Where can he find peace?
See something pretty, then I look too close
Do something shitty, so my darkness shows
Push you away till you let me go
Sick of who I am, goddamn
Goddamn
I love this idea of seeing something pretty until you examine it too much – then the cracks prevail, the pretty shows its true side, and then when he does find something perfect he does something that pushes it away or shows a side of him he isn’t proud of.
I’d say this song is his ‘low point’ – get to the bottom of the barrel to write something pretty-
Strip it all away, and rebuild it better.
He’s talked about this idea on many interviews for this album and this is the song to me, that feels like that acknowledgement.
Visual Representation
800d cinestill, medium format
Goddamn
Lost Americana Series
No one sittin’ shotgun with me. Goddamn