Track Twelve: Treading Water
When I first played this album, I loved this song immediately – however I thought Indigo was my favorite song. As I continued to obsessively listen to this album – Treading Water simply has become my favorite. The vulnerability, the relation I have to this song, and the BRIDGE – it’s all so good. I also think that this song is the key to unlocking so many other song’s meanings.
The story and creation of this song is pretty real, and amazing. Thinking about the landscape of America and how many broken homes exist because of the political environment and also the lack of commitment to people we say we want in our lives forever.
The phrase treading water is a beautiful metaphor of wanting to surivive but being so close to drowning. The moment you get tired, you could lose it all, but it’s impossible to tread forever.
Lyrical Analysis
And, oh, what a life to live
When you’re dyin’ for someone to give
To give you their love
To give you their love
This idea of begging for someone to love you – maybe you have loved them for so long, but they just wont give it back, or you messed up somewhere down the road and they now are with holding that love. Maybe the love never existed your way? I know Kells feels that way about his upbringing.
Light awake, stargazin’, I won’t sleep ’til mornin’
Echoes of your words sayin’, “Don’t write a song for me”
Everything is wrong in me, raised under wings of demons
And even if God’s with me, without you, I have no reason
I really love this first verse – It’s just very cinematic.
Laying in bed, unable to fall asleep – hearing again and again ‘don’t waste your time on me’ or physically for him, ‘dont write a song for me.’
Maybe this is something he has heard in his past? Don’t write a song, just show me in action –
I think many of us can relate to the idea of not talking the talk, but walking the walk.
Once you have passed this breaking point and realized your mistakes, but the person or people you have pushed away are finally fed up… then what?
This’ll be the last time you hear me say sorry
That’ll be the last tear you waste on me cryin’
I broke this home
And just like my father, I’ll die all alone
This specific verse feels very much like giving up, compared to the future verses we see in this song.
It feels like a ‘white flag’ – saying ‘fine, this is the last time you’ll see me, hear me say sorry, and I’ll just leave.’ Which feels very similar to his father and his relationship.
And, oh, what a life to live
When you’re dyin’ for someone to give
To give you their love
To give you their love
I’m lookin’ at the kids’ faces
Sittin’ in the driveway while I pack up suitcases
I just ruined their holiday, and lies don’t die, they grow
And everything you try to hide eventually shows
This verse highlights the impact you have on others – not just one person. The repercussions of making constant mistakes, not only affect you and one person but also it creates a domino effect of others and their memories created for the future.
He has so many other verses in songs that reference hiding, lying, and just going through life with a mask – and it feels like this song shows the realization of all of those lies finally crumbling down.
The beast killed the beauty, the last petal fell from the rose
And I loved you truly, that’s why it’s hard to let it go
I broke this home
But I’ll change for our daughter, so she’s not alone
Compared to the previous bridge/verse – these lines show frustration, disappointment in self, but also – a change, a positive, and a future shift presented. It doesn’t feel as giving up and leaving – but acknowledging mistakes and making a plan to be better. Referencing fairytales [beauty and the beast] and the breaking of that happy ending – but seeing new life and really having a wake up call.
Beauty and the beast is an interesting reference because obviously he isnt ‘ugly,’ but he internally sees himself that way. A broken man, who has condemned himself to be trapped in this phase – ruining things around him until something or someone saves him from himself- and this happens to be his newborn daughter.
Oh, what a life to live
When you’re dyin’ for someone to give
To give you their love
To give you their love
And, oh, what a life to live (oh, what a life to live)
When you’re dyin’ for someone to give (when you’re dyin’)
To give you their love (to give you their love)
To give you their love (oh-oh-oh)
It makes sense that up until this point he was writing this before he left for rehab. Drowning in his feelings, not wanting to be alone with his thoughts and disappointment- and creating verses that truly reflect that. As I listened to his interview, and I heard he came back from rehab and wrote this rap bridge – all of it made complete sense. [and thank god he did because wow this verse makes the entire song]
I wrote this in Room Three, spendin’ Christmas in rehabilitation
So we know what holiday he ruined when he left, but he spent it in room 3 – isolated and alone. No cell phone. No contact to anyone.
I got no phone, just a cell that I’m trapped in while my home’s vacant
I’m an inpatient, but I lost patience
I just broke somethin’, but I’m fixated
On the gossip that I know is happenin’
While I’m just bein’ left out of the conversation
break me kells. He is somewhere new, unable to talk to others, while he knows his home is empty too. He went to rehab, finally cracked, broke his life – family and relationships – and the outside noise is still present even if he is not.
All of this shit was during the time people were speculating that Megan and him broke up. So many news articles full of gossip and heresay, without actual confirmation.
Before this album he put out Genre: Sad Boy with Trippie Redd and I truly believe those songs are the build up to this album.
It’s a complicated relationship, that’s nobody’s business
But I’m in this business, face it, I’ve been hidin’ from the ideation
That the public has been ruinin’ my reputation
At least my public crucifixion got the message out
His whole career he has been misunderstood in my opinion. He masks and hides these feelings that I know he gets from reading hateful comments all the time – but he also was ignoring that while he was trying to fit in, he lost himself, and also was still being dragged? So what’s the point?
These lines are the lines that helped me understand Outlaw Overture even more- burn the old clothes, become who you want – because they are going to talk shit regardless.
And it’s crazy, seein’ quotations from a source that somebody curated
‘Cause for me, y’all can feel pure hatred
But just keep our baby out this situation
real. Sure the relationship isn’t the perfect family – but it’s between two adults – don’t speculate on the children involved.
It’s a long road to redemption, and a shorter one to damnation
I know which one is my destination
But the journey doesn’t come without the frustrations
Like it doesn’t come without the temptations
And failure can lead to an elevation
‘Cause sometimes you gotta see what’s waitin’ on the other side
And know your soul’s worth savin’
The big ‘ah ha’ moment. On this timeline he is closer to failure than success – but he is headed in the right direction. He knows the battle is going to be very much uphill – especially with quitting his addictions, which will eb and flow – but he knows without these painful marks he will not go where he needs to.
And, oh, what a life to live
When you’re dyin’ for someone to give
To give you their love
To give you their love
Visual Representation
200 asa kodak gold 35mm
I created two images for this song. One is a hazy, blurry image – the idea of only having a pen and paper in your hand to write without any contact to the outside world, but dreaming of a place you’d rather be during the holidays.
I wrote this in Room Three, spendin’ Christmas in rehabilitation
I got no phone, just a cell that I’m trapped in while my home’s vacant
I’m an inpatient, but I lost patience
I just broke somethin’, but I’m fixated
On the gossip that I know is happenin’
While I’m just bein’ left out of the conversation
I wanted to create this untouchable, unseeable location of what could be, but physically what is not there. The need to see clearer to be able to be back in this reality.
The other was this idea of reality – cold, alone. Before leaving home for rehab and isolation but still psychologically feeling isolated and like a rolling stone. One is reality, one is mentally, but both are alone and longing for something more.